During this season of change – (graduations, moving, new jobs and weddings) I have been giving a lot of thought to Life Changes. How Life Changes come about.
Some Life Changes follow along a predictable timeline: A baby is born. The baby becomes a toddler. The toddler becomes a kindergartener. The kindergartener becomes an elementary school student… The child progress’ on through high school and hopefully college. The changes in their lives follow a predictable timeline – flowing one to the other without too much effort.
Other changes are more nuanced. They develop gradually, frequently not by conscious decision – they just evolve. Others are abrupt and startling. Sometimes we are faced with a decision of how we want a Life Change to play out. We get to choose what direction or form it will take.
Fifteen years ago, I went through a difficult time in my life. During that period, I had lunch with a neighbor. She knew that I was going through a hard time and asked me how I was doing. It was as if an internal dam had burst. I monopolized the whole lunch conversation with the “Alas!” “Oh woe is me!” “I’ve been wronged!” statements. I’m sure she was overwhelmed.
My neighbor politely listened to my rant for most of lunch. Suddenly she reached across the table, placed her hand on top of mine and said,
“You’ve been sharing the bad things in your life – please share with me the good ones.”
My diatribe stopped mid-sentence. I was taken aback – in shock. She continued on,
“I hear you talking about what you don’t want in your life and relationship– tell me about what you do want.”
I blanked – I had nothing to say. The lunch ended soon thereafter.
My mind had been cluttered for weeks, months – a few years really; with hurt and anger. I had been working and obsessing over each one of these hurtful and angry thoughts. My thoughts, like the beads on a Rosary, cycled through a litany, repeated over and over in my mind. I had been clutching them so closely, they had crowded out most everything else.
For day’s afterwards, my neighbor’s comment played back in my mind. I, who had always been upbeat, a glass half full type of person – was consumed with negativity. I was appalled at what I had become. I had chosen to value only the negative, refusing to recognize the positive in my life.
That lunch was a pivotal moment in my life – a turning point, the beginning of a life change. I examined my life, my thoughts and actions. I didn’t like where I was at. I didn’t particularly like how I was acting. I had a hard time recognizing the person I had become. I had somewhere along the line, lost me.
Purposely, I started looking for and acknowledging the positive in my life – my children, my family, my home, my friends, my community, my business… I looked at my old dreams, the ones I had put away and had been collecting dust. I pulled those dreams back out and put them at the forefront of my mind. When negative thoughts crept in, I re-directed my thoughts to the positive. I chose to set down and leave behind the negative and seek out the positives in my life. I consciously shut the door to what was and looked to what could be.
I came to realize that each day of my life was overflowing with an abundance of gifts. Large and small gifts – were ever present in my life. I just had to look. They were there just waiting for me to see them.
I have much to be grateful for. I am blessed. I never told my neighbor how her quiet comments, changed my life. Her comments were an invaluable gift.
Thank you.